It's been a really tough week. There have been accusations made against me by a student, which I can't really discuss much here, but let's just say that according to said student I:

• made fun of the student for lack of skills
• wrote mean things about him on the board
• never helped him
• am an a** and need to be fired

The list goes on. If you don't know me or have not read this blog before, none of these things could be farther from the truth, and they really hurt. This student was suspended by an adminstrator for making some statements about me in writing. I had nothing to do with the suspension, besides providing the administrator with the writing because that's what you do when comments like that are made, especially on paper with the kid's name signed at the top.

The problem is further complicated by the fact that this student has been left behind since elementary school in our district, although it seems like he has had a large part of not being able to read: he refuses the services continually offered to him in my class. I can't force anyone to learn or to get help with reading, but I tried for a while, and for that, I am apparently an ass. And that is OK, but when you and your parents begin to make completely false accusations about me and my career, even going so far as to attack the level of investment and care I have for my students, is where things get emotional for me. The other issue is that this is not a reading class. It is an elective, and it was never the right class for him, but that wasn't clear until it was too late because I didn't know him, although my co-teacher did and never made any moves.

This is my team-taught class, a class I don't get totally to myself. The other teacher and I have quite different teaching styles, and most days it feels like he plays good cop while I am forced to play bad cop. I play bad cop because it's the only way I can get the kids to find success, but the kids don't seem to want it and other teacher does not make much of an effort to help bring it out of the kids. This is not an issue when I am alone with my kids in my own classroom. I make that clear from the get-go: if you have not found much academic success before, and you are willing, this is the place where it will happen.

I also get that this will probably happen again. I get that I shouldn't take it personally, but it's hard not to. I admit to getting emotional about this, but not in front of my students or co-workers, just in front of my best friend at school, a fellow English teacher. She was right about my being most comfortable around her, so comfortable that I could let my guard down and turn on the waterworks, which I hate. It makes me feel weak and powerless, but as soon as those kids walk into my room I remember why I'm there and that I am good at what I do and that I care so much, it's OK to cry.